Middle School

First Day of Kindergarten

I thought it would take longer to get here. I begged time to slow down. I bargained with God on how much time I needed with my boy before he moved on. Or at least I thought I did. As it turns out, He created a beautiful, smart, quirky boy with autism, ADHD, and SPD who has gone on to do great big things, hard things, and will not let his disability hold him back. Graduating elementary school, for example. But this boy. My creature of habit. My 0 to 60 spitfire. My cuddler. MY baby boy. How did you get to be 10 this summer, anyhow?

 I cannot believe you are going to middle school!

MIDDLE SCHOOL?!

YIKES! I can't even say the words without tearing up. I have been putting off writing about this for some 18 months because I simply refused to admit it. You are going to a new school with new teachers, bus drivers, classrooms, and friends. You will have everything you need except for the one thing you can't; ME. I'm not really sure who that's going to be harder on, me or you.

You've hardly been without me these last 9 years. Will you be okay with the change? Will you worry? Will you need me when I can't be there? Will someone lookout for you now that I can't? Will someone treasure those moments when you overcome a milestone? Will someone think to share them with me? Oh, how my anxiety takes flight where you're concerned, kid. I can't even imagine how you must feel! Change is your forever foe.

I have finally resigned myself to accept the change and to do the only thing I know how to do. Exactly what I've been doing these past nine years.

I'm going to pray.

Harder than I ever have before, I'm going to pray for your nerves, in situations unknown. I'm going to pray for the teachers that will work with you and that the bond between you will grow quickly and closely. I'm going to pray that you can rely on them to love you and keep you safe when I can't. I'll pray for you to stay focused so you don't get distracted or frustrated. I'll pray that your anxiety doesn't stop you from making friends or learning new things. I'm going to pray that you HAVE FUN! I pray that you'll laugh and not worry. Learn and not cry. Smile instead of frown. Routine is your calm; your center. I pray that you will find it there, too; that you will learn to be comfortable in this new, crazy world.

My son, you don't know this, but I worry about you all the time. Even when you're sleeping. I worry especially when you have a milestone on the horizon. I like to fancy myself a person that prepares for the worst and hopes for the best. And you continue to amaze me with all the things you can do. I know this will be no different. So while I'm dabbing my eyes as you go off on your next big adventure, just remember a few things: 1. You CAN do hard things because you have already overcome so much. 2. Normal is just a dryer setting. 3. I will be praying for you. 4. And most importantly, Mama loves you way too much and I will be waiting to hear all about your day as soon as you get home.

He's Going to Middle School!