But being a mom is hard!
Well, to be fair, it's really not even that specific. Being a parent, in general, is hard work. I am a mom with many jobs; working mom, stay at home mom, chauffeur, chaperon, baker, dance mom, gym mom, maid...the list goes on.
I don't know about the rest of you, but I am exhausted!
It doesn't have to be physically tiring. More often than not, it is more of a mental exhaustion.
I was having coffee with a girlfriend the other afternoon while our kids (four of them between us) played in the other room together. Between our own sips of delicious-but-quickly-turning-cold coffee, we heard laughing, tears, screaming, and running from room to room. Among the chaos, she and I shared stories and anecdotes of our journey through motherhood.
Every couple of sentences we would stop to put out a fire (not literally, thank goodness!), grab a snack/juice, or kiss a boo boo. We shared stories of pregnancy, married life, and those "crazy kids" stories like fights over invisible pictures, when my daughter thought she was Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon in the middle of a store, and the trials of being a parent to a kid with a particular set of needs.
A few days before that, my family and I had breakfast with my sister and my 2 year old nephew; a very active 2-year-old who was not the least bit interested in sitting still and quiet while waiting for his food. At one point, he screamed to get out of his highchair and once on the ground proceeded to hightail it all over the restaurant and at one point even ending up in the kitchen!
My poor sister. So frazzled. Embarrassed maybe? But she turned to me for help and I did the only thing I thought would solve the problem. I used my phone to turn on Netflix and he watched a whole episode of something while we ate our food. He was still, quiet, and if I may say so, quite content.
About 10 minutes into our meal, my sister looked so distraught. I asked if there was anything wrong and she said something to the effect of, "I always said I wasn't going to let my kid watch T.V. at the table.." She looked so disappointed in herself. The only advice I could give was, "We all say that." And its true; we do!
It is something I struggle with constantly. I literally stress my brain out wondering if the decisions I make today, right now at this moment, will mess up my kids for the rest of their lives. And it is EXHAUSTING!
My girlfriend expressed some concerns to me about how her children snack throughout the day instead of having just 3 balanced meals a day. My sister asks why her son does this or that. What should she do? How should she do it?
While I may not stress about those particular things, there is always something else. And its not just us. I know all moms, parents, have these feelings of inadequacy.
I am constantly second-guessing myself. Having a kid with special needs; yep, I'm bound to mess that up. He has to read for 30mins everyday as his homework but he's sprawled out on the floor like a starfish screaming at me. Do I make him do it anyway? Do I skip it right now and try again later? Do I give up tonight and try tomorrow instead?
He's been on the computer for an hour but they say "no more than 30 minutes a day"...Hmmm...But he's so content. Should I cut him off? Should I compromise, bribe, or beg?
Then there's my strong-willed, probably-already-smarter-than-me kid. She just sassed a complete stranger! I am so embarrassed...I should correct her. But then she'll yell at me! She was rude, she should apologize. But I want her to speak her mind and stand up for herself. Did she really just roll her eyes at me? Did she just try to kung-fu kick me (no, she doesn't even take karate classes!) ..in a store? She wants to know why people go hungry and why people die. Should I explain it to her? Will she carry that burden through childhood? UGH! Why is this so hard?!
My kids wake up earlier on the weekends than they do at any point during the week. We let our kids watch T.V. until we are ready to get up, too. Sometimes that can be an hour and a half of Disney Channel! I always reprimand myself for being such a horrible mother. I should get up with them! But it's so early! The paper isn't even in the driveway yet. And the sun-Ack! The sun won't be up for another hour or so. And yet I can never seem to do it. And each weekend I feel like a failure.
With all of these situations happening, I am especially grateful for my faith. Without something there for me to lean on and believe in, I would never have made it this far as a parent. I pray for my kids daily. I pray mostly that I am not screwing them up but on those rare occasions when I do get it right, that it stays in their minds as well as their hearts. I pray they learn from it and are able to look back on it as a guide in their lives.
I use that phrase "We learn something new every day" a lot. Its so true. No matter how big or small. We learn a something about our children, ourselves, our marriage. And when tomorrow comes we can start fresh and try again.
The kids watched 2 hours of T.V. today. Oh no! How about tomorrow we will read instead? They had a cookie at snack time. Say it isn't so! Maybe tomorrow we should have some fruit for snack. We can't get it perfect every time. But we learn and grow. We are in this together. We will never be able to enjoy this journey if we are worrying all the time.
Those trials, our feelings, these are little things I like to call Lessons. Everything is a lesson. A teachable moment not just for the little ones but for us parents, as well. We don't have all the answers, though I will never admit that to them. But we must learn from our praises and our mistakes. We aren't going to get all of the answers right and certainly not on the first try. And what worked for you today may not work again. What works for your friend's children may not work for yours. But we do our best. That's all our children really need.
While I may not stress about those particular things, there is always something else. And its not just us. I know all moms, parents, have these feelings of inadequacy.
I am constantly second-guessing myself. Having a kid with special needs; yep, I'm bound to mess that up. He has to read for 30mins everyday as his homework but he's sprawled out on the floor like a starfish screaming at me. Do I make him do it anyway? Do I skip it right now and try again later? Do I give up tonight and try tomorrow instead?
He's been on the computer for an hour but they say "no more than 30 minutes a day"...Hmmm...But he's so content. Should I cut him off? Should I compromise, bribe, or beg?
Then there's my strong-willed, probably-already-smarter-than-me kid. She just sassed a complete stranger! I am so embarrassed...I should correct her. But then she'll yell at me! She was rude, she should apologize. But I want her to speak her mind and stand up for herself. Did she really just roll her eyes at me? Did she just try to kung-fu kick me (no, she doesn't even take karate classes!) ..in a store? She wants to know why people go hungry and why people die. Should I explain it to her? Will she carry that burden through childhood? UGH! Why is this so hard?!
My kids wake up earlier on the weekends than they do at any point during the week. We let our kids watch T.V. until we are ready to get up, too. Sometimes that can be an hour and a half of Disney Channel! I always reprimand myself for being such a horrible mother. I should get up with them! But it's so early! The paper isn't even in the driveway yet. And the sun-Ack! The sun won't be up for another hour or so. And yet I can never seem to do it. And each weekend I feel like a failure.
With all of these situations happening, I am especially grateful for my faith. Without something there for me to lean on and believe in, I would never have made it this far as a parent. I pray for my kids daily. I pray mostly that I am not screwing them up but on those rare occasions when I do get it right, that it stays in their minds as well as their hearts. I pray they learn from it and are able to look back on it as a guide in their lives.
I use that phrase "We learn something new every day" a lot. Its so true. No matter how big or small. We learn a something about our children, ourselves, our marriage. And when tomorrow comes we can start fresh and try again.
The kids watched 2 hours of T.V. today. Oh no! How about tomorrow we will read instead? They had a cookie at snack time. Say it isn't so! Maybe tomorrow we should have some fruit for snack. We can't get it perfect every time. But we learn and grow. We are in this together. We will never be able to enjoy this journey if we are worrying all the time.
Those trials, our feelings, these are little things I like to call Lessons. Everything is a lesson. A teachable moment not just for the little ones but for us parents, as well. We don't have all the answers, though I will never admit that to them. But we must learn from our praises and our mistakes. We aren't going to get all of the answers right and certainly not on the first try. And what worked for you today may not work again. What works for your friend's children may not work for yours. But we do our best. That's all our children really need.
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