Milestone Accomplished

I feel like I must prepare you for all the bragging that is about to happen. Just let me just say, he has earned it. Last night was a milestone of epic proportions for my little guy and he absolutely deserves to share it with the world.

When Ethan was in Kindergarten a couple of years ago, they put on a play that involved all the kids singing and talking into a microphone. Ethan was hysterically crying, no that word doesn't describe it properly. I would say he was sobbing more than anything. The. Entire. Time. 

Okay, I take that back. At the very end, when it was his turn to say his name into the microphone, that went really well, he enjoyed that part. But the singing, people all around him, everyone moving from one point to the other was awful for him. Now, he had just transitioned to a new school, new teachers, classroom and friends, and those were all on the tails of a brand new diagnosis. So, to say things were hard for him at that time would be an understatement.

He had gotten so upset during the performance that his teacher gave him a stuffed animal from his classroom to hold. Still, he continued to cry uncontrollably. Little tears streamed down his face, one right after the other. As his mom, it was hard to watch but I was able to witness the loving exchange that happened between him and his ESE teacher. She saw his struggle and went over to him and rubbed his back and talked to him with calm, kind words. She stayed with him the rest of the time. She never got upset, yelled or put him off on someone else. She is one of my all time heroes. 

He even calmed down a bit after sitting with her. I will never forget the kindness she showed him that night. But I will also never forget what it felt like to watch your son struggle with something that is beyond his control. It is heartbreaking.

What is worse is that he was upset for getting upset and he was worried what his family and friends thought about him. I'm proud of him for sticking it out through the whole performance but I have since been weary of him doing anything in front of anyone, ever. I just don't want him to have to go through that again.

Fast forward 2 years, he is now in 2nd grade. His is doing great and making lots of progress but as soon as I found out about the class' winter program, I immediately had flashbacks of kindergarten. Will they ask him not to come? Will he ask not to go? Will someone be with him just in case? I talked to his teacher at our next meeting. I told her my concerns, a little bit about what had happened previously, and that I honestly didn't know if I wanted him to come at all since he had been telling me "I am not going!" She then informed me that she would be out of town the night of the performance, his usual aide wouldn't be there, and he was more or less on his own this time. So my anxiety about this whole shindig skyrocketed by 1000%!

She told me later that she had talked to some of the other teachers and they came up with a plan about how to make him feel comfortable. First, there would be someone with him. Then, they gave him a folder with the words to every song so he could follow along. She said he was doing really well with that and he would be allowed to have it during the performance. Phew! (I love his school!)

Following Along

So during the night of the performance I am a nervous wreck. I'm saying prayers on the way there and I am taking deep breaths so as not to freak him out. As soon as we get there it's time for him to line up with this class. So there he goes. Without me. Who is going to help him? What if he needs me? What if he starts freaking out?

If it's one thing this kid can always do, it's surprise me. He walked right into his place with the other kids. He didn't shed one tear. He never whined, cried, yelled or pitched a fit. In fact, at one point, he was about to start stimming and stopped himself. He has never, NEVER done that before, especially not on his own. People were laughing, singing along, clapping; all the things that I thought would set him off and he steeled himself against it all. I couldn't believe it! I watched in awe as I looked at his face and his slight head tilt and actually saw himself working through the uncomfortableness. As if that wasn't awesome enough, we caught him even attempting to sing along a few times, too! Un-be-lieve-able! I was so proud of him. More proud than words could ever express. So I just cried. 
You are probably thinking "Big deal" or "My kid loves to sing and dance." I know, my daughter does, too. But my son; my son never wants to be the center of attention. This was HUGE for him.
I sent a silent thank you to God for being with ME since I clearly needed it more than Ethan. I will never forget that handsome face smiling and the little hand waving to me as I took  pictures of this epic milestone. Some friends, teachers, and even the principal caught a few pictures of him during the performance because they too, were so amazed at his transformation. None of us could believe how much he has grown and matured. He did it!

And so we have been shouting it from the rooftops. You nailed it bud, and all on your own. I can't wait to see what you amaze me with next!