This world is not what it was meant to be. Never in all my years have I ever imagined a world where we would be fighting each other in our own country. What a sad time to be parent. How do I explain this 'civil war' of sorts to my children? How do I explain the violence and pain being brought on our brothers and sisters, simply because they do or think things that are different from us? How do I explain the hate?
I'll be honest, I had just given up hope. I lost hope in our country. I lost hope as Americans. I lost hope in friends and family. We are hating, we are violent, all in the name of being heard. But in the meantime, we are losing our right to simply disagree. My parents always told me from a very young age, not everyone will agree with you and that's ok. I truly believe that. It is ok. In fact, in order to be an individual we should be able to think for ourselves, make our own decisions, choose where our faith lies. I don't know how that stop being ok. No, it doesn't always make you right but it does make you free. Which is what this whole country used to stand on. Now, because of this, the whole world is unfurled. No one seems to know it's ok to disagree with each other. I never thought I would live in a time where this was a thing. And so I lost hope.
Over the last few weeks I have felt so overwhelmed with all this hatred swirling around our country like a clogged toilet, waiting to see if it will flush or not. I had to get away from social media, the news (if you can call it that), and most human interactions. I was praying for our country, our counties, and each other but the answer never seemed to come. If I'm being completely honest, I wasn't really listening either.
Then one day I was in a rush. I was getting ready for my son's birthday party. I had my daughter with me as we picked up cake, balloons, food and all the things from the grocery store. I had a schedule to keep and two armfuls of groceries (why do I never get a cart?!). As we raced around the grocery store, I noticed the checkout lanes where horrendous so I jumped in line at the customer service desk. The gentleman in front of me saw my armful and offered to let me go ahead of him, he said he could tell I was in a hurry. Poor planning on my part, doesn't constitute a problem on his part and all that, so I humbly declined. I could tell he must have just left work for the day and was visibly tired. Still, he offered to let me go ahead of him citing that I had someone important to get to. Again, I tried to decline but alas, he wouldn't take no for an answer. I thanked him profusely and walked past him just as both registers opened. So as it turns out, we both made it to the counter at the same time.
Once we started the check out process, the man who was now waiting patiently for the cashier to work her magic, leaned over to me and asked who's birthday it was.
"My son," I replied.
"Aw," he said, "How old is he gonna be?"
"He's turning 11," I told the man.
He smiled, that older, wiser, knowing smile and replied, "That's a good age. You enjoy 'em when they're young."
"Yes sir, I will."
A few minutes passed while he and I finished our respective transactions. But before I left, I wanted him to know that I appreciated his generosity and then told him that I hoped he had a great weekend.
"God bless you," he said and we went our separate ways.
On my way out to the parking lot, my daughter mentioned to me that she thought the man was very nice to let us go ahead of him. She was all smiles when she told me how nice people were.
That's when it hit me.
My prayers had not only been heard but they were being answered. We lead by example. My daughter never mentioned that the man was black or that we were a different color then him. She didn't even notice. In her sweet and innocent mind, all she saw was the good and kindness in him and the mutual respect two people, strangers even, had for one another. That's what I want my children to learn. If nothing else, that's what I want to teach them. I want them to know that while there is ugliness in this world, you can choose to be light that people will follow. I want us all to be that light for each other; a city, a nation, the world even!
I'm no longer angry. I thank God for that experience. In my insistence that God step in and do something, it never occurred to me that He was using me to be the change. Though just a small part, if we all chose to love, to show love and kindness always, slowly the ugliness will melt away. So if you are like I was, disgraced at the world, disappointed in your fellow humans, let me tell you; never lose hope. I encourage you to pray. God answers prayers; just be patient.
Sometimes all you have to do is listen.
