I was listening to a song not too long ago about someone's daughter and how she grows up too quickly. And it's true. But no one ever told me that would happen. This nostalgia has been weighing on my mind and heart a lot these past few months.
When I was pregnant with my first child, no one ever told me to enjoy having a miracle grow inside my belly. They only wanted to talk about all the complaints I had about being pregnant. When I was pregnant again shortly after the first, I didn't even have time to enjoy it if I wanted to. All I wanted to do was be able to bend over to pick up my very active toddler. No one told me that I might never be pregnant again. No one told me to be thankful for that little miracle and the bond we shared for nine months.
I have been focused a lot with my eldest child as he has special needs. And while I don't neglect my second-born, I know she doesn't need me nearly as much. She has just turned 4 and might as well be going on 18! It breaks my heart. I feel as if, on some level, my son will always need me in some capacity. But my daughter, well, she'd just rather do it herself. I love that about her. It also leaves me watching mostly from the sidelines. I wish I could go back in time and take a picture of all the memories I hurried to get through, since no one told me I would one day regret moving so fast to get there.
I remember waiting for her to talk then at five months she surprises us with "mama." No one told me I would miss her babbling and blowing spit bubbles. I remember wondering if she would ever stop nursing only to have her wake up one day at 11months and shake her head at me when I offered my milk. I know no one told me that I would miss diaper changes. But after she potty trained herself around 18months, the games we played on the changing table stopped, too. No one told me not to wish for her to finally start walking because that would mean I would have no reason to cradle her in my arms. No one told me I would miss those sweet moments.
And so I created this incredibly independent, spirited, and astoundingly intelligent young lady. I couldn't be prouder of her. But in doing so, I also hit fast forward past all the moments that make having a baby so precious.
I now have a pre-pre teen. She dresses herself, does her own hair. She tells me what kind of toys she wants me to buy, she plans her own menu for lunch, and she even back-seat drives while in the car with me. ("Mommy, yellow means slow down," "Mommy, you're going too fast," "This isn't the way to our house. Are you going the right way,") She doesn't want play dates with me she wants play dates with her friends. In fact, this weekend she taught herself how to swing. No one told me I would miss that.
While I regret all that I let slip away so quickly, I am grateful for the little girl she has become. She is respectful but can speak her mind. She won't let anyone walk all over her or her brother. She is such a loving and compassionate person. She knows what she wants and how to get it. She's only 4! Imagine what she will be like as an adult. She will make a wonderful mother but she will also be a smart businesswoman. It makes me sad that my baby isn't so much a baby anymore. And it makes me sad that she has the personality of, well, me; sarcasm included! But she is a good girl. She is kind and sweet and generous and she impresses me everyday. And she is all mine. I am so lucky!
And if all I get to do is watch from the sidelines then so be it. That will give me more time to brag about MY baby girl.
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| My Sweet Petunia |
