My Thursday

So I started my Thursday by finding out that a department store bill that was due and paid yesterday, was slapped with a $25 late fee. Someone please explain to me, how a late fee can be applied before it is even late! And yes, I even paid it before the time cutoff and have the email confirmation to prove it. Now normally, I'm quite the spokesperson for this store. They usually have great customer service, sales, and returns are a breeze. However, this angered me so much that if they didn't take the fee off, I was willing to close my account with them. In the end they did. But the guy I talked to made it sound like he was doing me a favor! I'm thinking, "Buddy, you don't even know.."

My Thursday ended with what I thought would be a quick trip to the eye doctor to check my contacts and to pick up my new pair of eye glasses. I was there for an hour and fifteen minutes. The appointment itself took all of maybe five minutes. They spent the remaining time trying to figure out where my glasses were. They LOST my glasses! Mind you, I spent the extra money to have them shipped in 1-4 business days they told me. That was over 8 days ago. Finally, they had to call the place that makes the glasses and had them redo my glasses and ship them overnight. Oh, did I mention I need them by Saturday?
I think I will go to bed early tonight so nothing else can stress me out..

The Long Road to Autism

My Son, Ethan. He is a fun, empathetic and well mannered little boy. He loves fiercely. He laughs about almost anything. And he is so very smart. He's also absolutely adorable!

Very recently Ethan, my oldest child, was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I find myself looking back on how we got to this point in our lives without knowing there was something wrong. After a few minutes of contemplating this; it finally came to me.

I knew all along.

I'm sure every parent initially turns to denial when faced with something traumatic. But I knew. And I am ashamed to say that I tried to pretend it wasn't true. I wanted it not to be true for his sake. There isn't anything I wouldn't do to take away any pain or suffering from either one of my kids. To know that this disorder could hinder him physically, emotionally and developmentally makes me hurt for him. But he is so much stronger than me. For the first time, in his four years, I am following his lead. And I couldn't be prouder!

While I had my suspicions, I didn't understand what was happening to him. And I didn't WANT there to be anything wrong with him. Thinking back, I remember when he was just four months old and was already fidgeting and tensing his body in ways 'normal' babies do not. He was such a great baby that I put those worries in the back of my mind. As a toddler, all (and I do mean ALL) he wanted to do was spin toys or watch things that spin. At 2, the emotions inside him were, at times, so uncontrollable, that I cried along with him. I thought it was "terrible two's" and tucked those emotions away, too. At 3, his aversions to touch or being touched, sounds, lights, and strange people or places made us avoid going out of the house unless we needed to. And I would always anticipate the fit that was almost always sure to follow such an adventure. That's when I finally accepted that something wasn't right and I talked to our pediatrician. Even his pediatrician was convinced that he didn't have Autism. She said it might be ADD or ADHD but not Autism.

We first had Ethan evaluated by an Occupational Therapist. After he was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder by the OT, (which is very often associated with Autism) our pediatrician still said no. We found out that Ethan had visual processing and fine motor delays that were significant enough to warrant OT twice a week. Within 6 weeks, it was as if he was getting better. He changed in those few weeks, matured even. I thought we were out of the woods. But even though they appeared less frequently, deep down I could tell Ethan was still struggling with the same issues. Being the person I am, I demanded a referral for a full psychiatric evaluation from my pediatrician. If there is something wrong with my child, if he needed help, then I wanted him to have it. It was then that I accepted in my heart that he would be diagnosed with Autism. Several thousand dollars, one evaluation and a diagnosis later; we knew. We knew what I had known all along. Except now I have a new purpose. I have to be the advocate for him that I wasn't before. I am on a mission now. A mission to get Ethan the help that he needed years ago.

This describes it best.

For many days after his diagnosis, I contemplated how we were going to tell people. Those close to Ethan knew of his struggles but like any parent or loved one, you don't want there to be anything wrong with your child or someone you love. I was working on keeping it together myself. I knew what I have always known in my heart but how do you tell someone that doesn't understand. Afterwards, I finally just decided to tell people the truth. When I told people, there were a lot of hugs, a few "I'm so sorry's," even some 'ignorance is bliss.' I couldn't help but think why is everyone so upset? If its one thing I learned from all of this its that Ethan is stronger than we ever gave him credit for. He made it through all this, too. He is my little superhero.

And he is still the same sweet, smart and caring little boy he always was. Now, he just also happens to have Autism. Don't you worry though, Ethan is going to be just fine. He's got me. And Mommy will be there for him every step of the way. We'll get through this together, Baby Boy.

Me and my Little Monkey

How Do You Know?

Why does parenting have to be so hard?
 In my youth, I never once thought I would be uttering phrases like "We do not pee on our sister!' or "Stop licking the bottom of your shoe!" But when those moments arise, all you want to do as a parent is laugh. But you can only laugh for so long until you realize you actually have to stop one kid from peeing on the other kid. And then, of course, they have both seen you laugh so now they think its funny to pee on each other..*deep breaths*..
 But I want them to enjoy childhood. I want them to be able to laugh with us and each other. I want them to learn not to be afraid to try something new or meet new people. But how do you teach "We don't talk to strangers" and at the same time encourage them to make new friends? How do you encourage trying new things, for instance, a sport, while also explaining that they have to be careful or they will get hurt? How do I teach my children that its okay to be silly and goofy but also teach them manners and the "proper way to conduct oneself?" How do I teach my child not to hurt someone (physically or emotionally) while also teaching them to stand up for themselves and what they believe in? Most importantly, how do I instill in my children the lessons that will shape them into the adults that my husband and I, as well as God, would want them to be? Why do I feel like no matter what life lesson I'm trying to teach, I will always contradict myself? What if I'm doing this all wrong?
 Earlier today, I caught my son sneaking popcorn off the table. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had himself a little pile and was licking it off the table. Needless to say, it gave him GREAT pleasure and his little laugh made my heart skip a beat and a smile light my face. All because of some popcorn. My next thought was Oh no! If I don't explain to him what he's doing wrong he'll think its okay! I stopped and really gave the situation some thought. He knows how to eat during a meal. Then it clicked. He thinks that this is funny because he knows his manners. He realized he was being silly and it made him laugh. It took me a minute to figure it all out but I let him be and after a minute or two and many giggles later he stopped what he was doing and moved on. No harm done. Parental decision is a success! But the fact that I gave it so much thought and had myself all worked up over it made me contemplate my parenting skills. What if theses situations aren't always that easy?
 Another example that had my mind spinning, happened a few days ago at the grocery story. My 2yr old daughter loves to "help" at the grocery store. Really that means that I give her a bag of something or a can and she tosses it into the shopping cart, giggles, and asks to do it again. Without thinking on either of our parts, I handed my daughter a pint of blueberries to add to the cart and before I could turn back around blueberries were scattered as far as the eye could see. Then she looked up at me with the worst puppy dog eyes and this expression on her face, as if she just found out that Santa didn't exist, and tears formed in her eyes. It broke my heart that she was so upset about spilling a few blueberries. But I also found it to be an excellent teachable moment. I told her all about how it was an accident and that sometimes we make mistakes or have accidents and that its okay. I asked her if she would help me clean up the mess since we were the ones that made it in the first place. "Oh, sure, mommy!" And we proceeded to clean up. But then a follow mom came over to tell me she saw the whole thing happen and that my daughter didn't mean to make a mess and I should just let the store employee clean it up. I kindly thanked her and proceeded to help my daughter clean our mess. Just before we were finished a different store employee came over and said "Oh, you don't have to clean that up, we'll take care of it for you!" I kindly thanked him too and we finished what we set out to do. Afterwards, and for several hours later, I couldn't help but wonder if it was the right decision to make. At the time, sure, I went with my gut. My gut said it wasn't anyone's fault but ours and so we should clean it up. But the other mother's words "she didn't mean to" and "it was an accident" kept playing over in my head. What if I made my daughter feel worse by making her admit to her mistake? What if I embarrassed her my making her clean it up? How do I know I didn't do more harm than good? I couldn't believe how stressed out this made me. Do other parents have this much trouble parenting? Surely not! They know how to do it right. They must have all the answers. But then I thought about it. Really thought about it. My daughter never mentioned the incident after it was over. In fact, she was happy to help clean up and we went about our merry way. As a matter of fact, it was one of the most pleasant shopping trips we have ever had with the kids. If I upset her wouldn't it show somehow? I'm not saying the other mother was wrong but I am saying that I can give myself a pat on the back. Another parenting success.
 It may not have been the right answer to the problem but it worked out. I went with my gut. I did what I felt was right in my heart. I want my kids to be able to do the same. Then it dawned on me. They will learn by what I do and how I act. So, I think the answer to all my questions can be answered simply by saying: Lead By Example.

Where have all the gentlemen gone?

You know, I haven't been on this Earth that long but I feel like its long enough to get a feel for how things work. More now, as a mother, then when I was a single female, I feel like I am slighted by the male population. I don't know about other woman out there but I have a hard time counting the number of guys that will pull out a chair, open a door, let me proceed him in a line, etc. (Yes, even my hubby has a hard time with this.) And I have two small kids. I would like to think that would give a hint, if nothing else, that screams "Hey, this lady needs all the help she can get!" But that's just not how young men are raised these days. When did that stop? And why?
Today while driving into the crowded gas station, I got cut off by a guy racing me (yes, racing, all of five feet to the first open pump, like gasoline was going out of style!). I sighed and made another round along to the next open pump in my MINIVAN with my two small KIDS only to be cut off, AGAIN, by another guy. He seemed to think I was racing him to the stop sign. He slammed on the gas, (yes, slammed) and squealed a tire all to inch out ahead of me maybe 2-3 feet. Of course I was dumbfounded. Now, there's not much left in my arsenal since becoming a Mama. So, with nothing else to do, I gave him my best Mama Face and without missing a beat he drove off.
Similar things like this happened a lot while I was pregnant, nursing and even when I was by myself with a baby in the stroller and carrying a diaper bag, etc. And on more occasions than I would care to count, I had to open the door while trying to drag in said stroller, hold onto the diaper bag and somehow manage not to lose my toddler, too. All that without an ounce of help. Not even a "Hey, sure looks tough to do that by yourself." Maybe its me. My parents always taught us girls that was how we should be treated and taught my brother that is how he should treat woman. I assumed that everyone knew this. So imagine my surprise when I became a grown woman. I am almost in shock when a guy is a gentleman to me or my kids. I feel like I should give him a bear hug, a medal or a "Your mama would be proud" award. For the first time in a long time that happened to me just yesterday. I was walking into my building at work and a dad (so he probably feels my pain) saw my arms full of baby and work stuff and quickly offered to get the door for me. I actually just stood there for several seconds trying to figure out what just happened. And then I realized he was being a gentleman. So to him, I say "thank you." You were thoughtful and kind and you set the mood for the rest of my day. To the rest of the male population, I feel like I should let you in on a little secret: Just because we are empowered women does not mean we want to be treated like one of the guys.

The Store

A typical trip to the store seems to require at least one of my children to spontaneously burst into a tantrum. My 3yr old son has at least put together that he will not receive a cookie from the bakery (a treat the store provides) if he acts out in any way. And so he makes his decision upon each trip. Have a cookie or not to have a cookie? (Wouldn't it be nice if mommy's decisions were that easy...ha!) But he lives with the decision he makes. Very responsible.
My 2yr old daughter (going on 16), has not been able to comprehend that screaming like a banshee and/ or rolling around on the floor in a fit of rage for most of our trip will not get her a cookie. Even if she asks nicely on our way out the door! Needless to say, it has been quite a while since we have been rewarded a cookie.
On this particular day, the tantrum my daughter had started at the car when she decided she didn't need to hold a hand to cross the street. Well, you don't hold a hand, you get carried. As we made it over the threshold, so close to the groceries I could smell them, she wiggled free and threw herself on the floor directly in front of the shopping carts. So not only is she screaming, crying and throwing a fit, she is in the way of other shoppers and their carts.
An older woman who watched my daughter pitch a fit in this particular store on a past occasion once told me "Honey, you do what you need to do for you kids. Don't worry about anyone else!"
And so that is what I did. I explained the wrong choices she was making, that there were consequences to her actions should she decide that pitching a fit was really the decision she wanted to make and finally, I gave her exactly 3 seconds to get off the floor or we are going back to the car for a "family meeting."
However, in the midst of all of this, a young woman comes into the store and into her cell phone says "Oh my God! There is a kid screaming. Its SO annoying! I can't hear you, I'll call you back." She quickly turned around and walked out of the store. As she walked away, I made it to three, grabbed my daughter, now screaming louder and made quick work of getting to our "meeting." We passed the same young woman on our way out (she was already back on the phone by this time). I hear her say yet again, "Ugghh!! Its the same kid! I will call you back later!"
My daughter and I quickly had our 'meeting' and made it back into the store with no problems and quite frankly she was more than eager to help mommy out by carrying the basket (pat myself on the back for that!). Almost out the door, we passed that young woman that had nothing but awful things to say about a 2 YEAR OLD throwing a tantrum. If fact, she went so far as to  attempt to smile at my daughter as she walked by. While the mama bear in me wanted to give her Majesty the Queen a piece of my mind about where she could take her "important" phone calls next time, I decided to be a bigger person (and a mommy who sets examples) and just nod and smile. And so we went home.

I would like to think that the lesson I got from this outing and yes, there is always a lesson, is that it truly is important how my husband and I raise our children. People may not like our parenting, they may not care to hear the tantrums, they may think we are doing it all wrong. But I know, like the woman said to me, I am doing what I feel in my heart is right for my kids. And I am so proud of that.

And for the young woman we met today, I sincerely hope we meet again, preferably when you have a 3 and 2 yr old all by yourself in a store after a long day of work/school and you can show me how its done.

The Joy of Being a Mother

The kids were sick. Again.

Like a good mother, I decided to put them out of their misery and take them to the DR. Upon our arrival to the Dr's office at 12:40p, I find that my son has had an accident in his underwear, in his car seat, in daddy's car,  which is sans a diaper bag. Super.

So, I go to the receptionist, ask for a diaper, wipes and gloves and off we go to the bathroom. Stripped the clothes, cleaned the area, wrapped soiled clothing in gloves. Bam!

Ten minutes, two kids in and out of the bathroom (one half naked now) we sit down and wait. 20 minutes after that I hear “MOMMY! I need to go POTTY!!” Same child, we go sit on the potty. Ten minutes later, our name is called and he’s not done yet. So we wait some more. 5 minutes later, we are all done with the bathroom, hands washed and we walk back and the crying ensues. Weight done, symptoms checked, DR comes right in. Right on track! Its 110p.

I proceed to hold each one down. First one: Check breathing, throat and ears. Bam!

Next one: Check breathing, throat, ears. Ba-

Wait, dr can’t see inside the ear, they need to flush each ear clean. Umm…ok. So my son sits on the table and the screaming ensues yet again..for ten minutes. While I’m sitting on top of him, a nurse holding his head, and a nurse flushing the ear. TEN, minutes! All clean! Great! I’m exhausted.

Dr comes back to check the ears. More screaming, you get the idea..and...

Nothing. Both kids are fine. 

It is now 204p. We leave the same shame-filled way we walked in, get in the car and drive home and this is what I found...

 

Upon arriving at home and seeing my beautiful children sleeping so peacefully, I breathe a sigh of relief that I, too, will now get a moment’s peace. Hallelujah!

I put the car in park and…

 

 

”Mommy? Where we going now?!”